I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
