Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So much rum. So many feels.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
