great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
