Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
