I would go down on you faster than GM stock
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
