I'm jealous of your bromance
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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