As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We had to coat check the pizza.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
