ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
