I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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