dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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