butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
