No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
