I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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