Pants 0. Shit 1.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
