Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
