sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
