i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
