we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
