You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
