Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
