Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
