I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
