and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
