my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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