Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
