True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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