Moan for me like Helen Keller
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
