We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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