he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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