Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
