The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
