I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
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