I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
