In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
