im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I love having hate sex.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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