Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
