After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I wear drunk well.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
