Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
