Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
