im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
