Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
