So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
