I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
