Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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