Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
