Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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