Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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