Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
