i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
