I met the friendliest cop last night
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
