I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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