Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
