My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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