Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
